The Jade Leaf Journals
by Arloestes
Summary: Lady Jade Leaf is not who she seems, and she becomes sick of her life at The House, and so she takes a leaf out of Claidi's book and escapes to The Waste. PG-13 for language.
1. Me

Authors Note: Oh, my first fanfiction! Anyway its about Lady Jade Leaf! Oh I hated her so much, but I have this strange tendency of turning hated characters around and showing a "possible" side of them. So.that's what I plan to do in this story. Off the bat I shall say I tend to never finish my stories and with school updates will probably be rare (with the exception of the beginning). But If people enjoy and review that will give me the encouragement to continue. So-please tell me what you think.  
  
~Me~  
  
This book. It's pretty. The cover feels like smooth seashells, and looks like one too with its jade wavy pattern. I once had one exactly like it-a twin so to say but it was stolen. And I know by who too. It was that girl, Claidi. Ironic, no?  
  
How rude, I never properly introduced myself. My name is Lady Jade Leaf, exquisite no? Perhaps my name is the only part of me that I value. It fits me so well, with perhaps the exception of "Lady." I'm sure if you were to ask any of the other royal members of The House they would heartilly agree that I am jaded. With the possible exception of mummy. Ironically she is the one person who I wished know how sad I am. Then there are the maids, servents, slaves. They too are blissfully unaware of the interal conflicts I feud every day. Blissfully I say, for if they knew how I were really like they'd be burdened with guilt of all the awful things they have said about me behind my back. I hear, everything. Witch, hippo, clumsy, whore, bitch. I do not blame they however, because I find these conflicts so hard to face I usually take my anger out on them, and thus that gives them all right to call me whatever they wish. Despite being seventeen I face problems those one of thirty probably has not had to. Yet, because of my youth I often deal with them in ways someone very young, perhaps thirteen would. I must pause now and realize what I am saying-never before have I been able to directly speak of this. My mother once told me that if you can recognize personality problems that you can stop being like that, that you are just forcing yourself to be so. Oh my, I worded that horribly, lets see if I can make it clearer. The reason this problem was brought of was because a ten year old servent had been using particularly foul language. In an attempt to avoid a beating she said that it wasn't her fault, she had picked it up from the Guards. Mother retorted by saying that it was her mouth saying so, and though that might have been exusable then she knew it was bad now, and so the fault lay in herself. So it applies to me now because I know my faults, yet every time the sadness begins to well up in me like that invader balloon that was sighted just yesterday, I cannot help but take it out on others. Pathetic aren't I?  
  
I am a horrible writer, aren't I? A its quite a pathetic thing when this applies to journal writing as well which needs not be grammaticly correct, sensible to others. This journal it to be for me, and me alone-yet I just read what I wrote earlier on and had to frown in disgust. I keep skipping about, not fully explaining things and stopping the second my hand tires. And though above I said I would properly introduce myself I didn't, did I? I am Lady Jade Leaf as I said before, Princess of The House and youngest daughter of Princess Shimra. Its horrible, I have dozens of other siblings and because I'm the youngest I get no attention. I've always had a liking to writing, which I can satiate since I have plenty of stationary and writing utensils, but I also dream of difference. When I was a younger girl and much more reckless I would often sneak into different rooms and spy on the people, writing down what they did, what they looked like, their reactions to certain events and overall writing down their personalities and life. Of course after a while I began seeing a pattern, people here are so alike and extremely dull. In fact I can easily and without hesitancy say that a slave or maiden of mine has more understanding and life then any of my siblings. That's what drew me to Claidi. Claidi is an interesting girl, one year younger then myself by only a month or so. She is impulsive, somewhat immature I should say, but she is still young. And there is an odd fire to her that seperates her from all the other people here. She bears the traits of a true human child. Here, at the age of sixteen people are who they will be forever. They (if slaves or maids) are obedient, do they're work, and naturally try to avoid trouble my other then that just keep to their lives and live routinically. If royalty, they lounge about lazilly and are just the same as the workers, only their routine consist of being tended to, gorging themselves, and having dull empty conversations. Claidi however has expressed more emotion then I have ever seen anyone. Sure sometimes her emotions are childish at time and very often impulsive, but that's what makes humans humans no? Our flaws? Who am I to speak, I have so many flaws it impossible for me to be human. But as much as I believe this, something else tells me Claidi and I are one in the same. She, with her emotions acts right on them and often does foolish things. I, with my conflicts act quickly and thoughtlessly on them by hurting others. That's why its so ironic, she has my twin book. 


	2. Her escape

Authors Note:  
  
Reviews:  
  
Charliegirl2: No offense taken at all! Sometimes I get so caught up in writing I do stuff like that-actually a lot. And the fact that I didn't use spell check kinda messed me up too^-^; Thanks for that I enjoy criticism when its not put rudely, which you didn't do so I highly appreciate that. Thanks for the compliments, and yes she is going to leave The House but that's all I'm saying. Thanks for reviewing ^.^  
  
Ice-otter: I just got Wolf Wing today, unfortunately I can't start it since I'm reading something else I would probably mix it up. Thank you for the compliments, and for reviewing. I really appreciate it^_^  
  
Pretty-in-Punk1: *joins in the cheering*  
  
Mandy: Thanks Mandy, I'm glad to know I'm not creating an entirely different character here. Thank you for reviewing.  
  
~Her escape~  
  
I believe that when I last wrote, which was just yesterday, I mentioned an invader balloon. Here at the house we never get visitors, we keep to ourselves. No one ever leaves, everyone wants to stay in the safe blanket that is The House. Beyond the veil is a horrible place deemed "The Waste", for that is what it is. I've often gone on top of the walls that keep anything from entering our safe sanctuary. For as long as I can see there is nothing but desert, and beyond that who knows. I grew up with tales of how horrible The Waste is. They say the days are scorching, and the nights are freezing. They speak of horrible monsters unlike anything we can imagine, madmen who roam the deserts killing, stealing and torturing wanderers. Everything in The Waste lives only for itself, with no concern for others, that's how it is. No one has ever willingly gone to the The Waste, often times when idiots break some of our most important rules they are exiled. Serves them right, without the Rituals with which we live our lives it would be utter chaos and we would be no better off then those madmen of The Waste. Our Rituals define all the traits of civilized human beings-there are those of love, of wisdom, of cleansing, of life, death, those of respecting the nature around us, of all that is important. Those who cannot see this are fools, they cannot see that people alone can not stand up, that we need some thing to pick us up and lead us. And we communicate with this "thing" through the Rituals we do. Ah, I am getting off that subject. As I was saying earlier no one had ever willingly gone into The Waste until yesterday, and can you guess who it was? Claidi of course, I am certain that comes as no surprise. Let me start from the very beginning seeing as how you must be confused, but I am too since everything seems so completely wrong and I do not know the entire story myself.  
  
We were performing the planting of the Thousandth Rose, a minor Ritual but one that connects us not only with nature but Inner Beauty. Let me explain how the Ritual is performed. Some Princesses, Princes, their servants and The Gardener come to The Rose Garden's central. Everyone must wear shades of green to comply with the color associated with nature. The servants come in with their proper mistress or master carrying large flasks of an oil made of the last Thousandth Rose's smell. Of course we don't use the real last Thousandth Rose, just create a similar smell to it. We are shown the Thousandth Rose in its original planting and from there it is taken out, and then put among the others. The Rose is a beautiful thing to behold despite is outer ugliness, for it gives off a beautiful scent and is a reminder that although a creature may be ugly, it may be a beautiful "person". From there the flask are placed around the Rose and we leave The Gardener to tend to his duties. I am not really sure if this is the point of the Ritual, but this is how I perceive, and that is why before my eyes it is a beautiful thing. Enough of that! I am continuously going off topic, a habit I hope to break. We've never got finish the Ritual for at that moment the balloon was spotted, after that it was utter chaos. Servants dropped and spilled their flasks, as people attempted to flee the tight green dresses they had been fitted to ripped. Our Guards quickly came out with cannons, and mindlessly shoved people away and shot even if someone was in the way. Really! Its like they think they have to kill us to protect us. But at the time this was not on my mind, I was frightened out of my mind and like all the others running towards the protective walls of my own room. All the time I had this horrible scratching sensation all over my body but I was to intent on reaching my room to give it much heed at the moment. However when I did find my shelter I could the bear the pain that was obviously ants and who knows what other bugs that had crawled up my dress. I suppose the oils attracted them. For the first moments I was calm as my servants attempted to remove the tight clothing from me, but so scared were they that their hands fumbled on the straps. My impatience and anger began to boil quickly and that mixed with the adrenaline and fear I was feeling to throw me into one of my worse fits yet. I threw myself about and tried to stand still so my servants could remove the clothing, but finally I could not stand it anymore and I surprised everyone-even myself by tearing the dress right down the middle with my bare hands. At the time this was not enough to release my anger and so I took it out on Claidi, the solitary figure standing by the window by pelting her with a random item. It seemed Claidi too was in quite a bad mood for she did something no one had ever done before, she smacked me. I was at a loss for words and didn't listen to the excuses she and her two friends tried to make. Next I did something that I am so ashamed of, though to be honest I am ashamed of the entire thing, I cried and wailed for mother. Mother did nothing to cheer me up, and that added to my negative feelings and this caused me to write Claidi's name on the list of those to be whipped. I knew that what I was doing was drastic, few people survived the whips but at the moment I didn't really care and I thought "At least I'm not exiling her to The Waste." It makes me laugh now.  
  
I stopped for a while because my wrist ached, it probably wouldn't of if I hadn't smacked Pattoo and Daisy earlier on, asking if they knew anything of Claidi, if she had said anything to them. I felt bad about it, but I'm not going to apologize. Continuing from where I last left the invader was caught, and sent to questioning. I did not pay much attention for I didn't care. The man was handsome but not only was he from The Waste, and sure to be killed anyway---I am not attracted to men. As far as I know men as disgusting, hairy, lustful creatures. At least the ones around here. It saddens me, they are cute, sweet, and innocent as little kids but then when puberty strikes it goes down from there. I shall go further into my thoughts about this later on, for now I will mention one thing of interest that happened during this meeting. This man-he pulled out a rose, a very beautiful and healthy looking one and offered it to Jizania, one of the Old Ladies. I couldn't believe something so beautiful could be grown out in The Waste, and from that moment I realized that not only did The House lie to its servants, but royals as well. Its confusing to thing this because it always seemed as if we royals ruled The House, but if we are lied to who does? Later on, I caught news of Jizania having summoned Claidi to her rooms and that's when I first became suspicious. I was surprised Jizania even knew of Claidi, but I also wandered what Claidi would try with Jizania, since Jizania was a much higher rank that I and could easily grant anything Claidi asked if it interested her. The next day my suspicions that Claidi would try something were confirmed. She had stolen Jizania's keys when she dozed off, something no one can blame her for since she is very old, and not only escaped with the invader but also unlocked the lions as a distraction. Its hard to believe someone willingly took off to The Waste, but that invader probably knows where he is going. And the rose is proof there is live somewhere out there. And you know, the oddest thing of all is that I wish I had gone with them. 


	3. My escape

Authors Note: First thing--I've been forgetting to put a disclaimer  
  
and I'm sure Im going to keep forgetting. So I'm only going to write  
  
it for this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Jade Leaf, Nemian, Pattoo, The House or any  
  
of the characters. They all belong to the wonderful author called  
  
Tanith Lee. However most of the areas that Jade Leaf shall visit on  
  
her journey will be of my creation, and so will some of the  
  
characters.  
  
Ah, well thats out of the way. Next:response to reviews!  
  
Charliegirl2: Thank you once again for the corrections. Once I'm  
  
done with this (if I finish it, which hopefully I will) I will go  
  
back and replace everything with all the corrections you pointed  
  
out^__^  
  
One more thing. When I write I just kinda go write through, I practicly become the character and sometimes I have thoughts that are not my own, but I believe the character would have. That comment about boys growing up to disgusting hairy lustful beast was just something that came from Jade Leaf, I don't believe and I also don't know what caused me to think Jade Leaf did but hey--its different  
  
from what I am and thats why I enjoy writing about it. I just wanted to say that in case any boys were offended..who knows if one stumbled across this story ^_^;;;  
  
~My Escape~  
  
Its been a while since Claidi left, for some reasons I've been unusually calm and avoidant--which leads to further calmness. There hasn't been a Ritual in a while which has caused some feelings of emptiness but nothing to drastic. I've entertained myself with performing some of the Rituals on my own. I've been taking up reading on some of it myself and realized that there are many Rituals that can take the place of more fancy ones yet still accomplish the same thing. For me this is a very great find, for I've been thinking of escaping but have held myself from doing so  
  
because I did not want to leave these pratices behind. Another thing that is holding me back as well is fear. I know that there is something good out there in The Waste, but there HAVE to be some of the things mentioned in the stories. I mean, such far-fetched horrid stories had to have even some type of basis. It couldn't of just  
  
popped into someone's head. Despite this I have been trying to think of a way to escape, being royal I do have access to most of the keys--yet not all. I've gotten a large backpack in which I've been storing non spoilable food and flask of water, I of course shall be taking you. I might take some of my dresses, the ones I hate so much just so I can sell them when I get to a town. If a I do. My hands are quaking as I write this, I speak as if I am which most likely I  
  
am not. Despite my plans, which are very simple and easy to do when ever I think of it, and am not writing it down, I can see so many things going wrong. Even now people might become suspicions of my frequent visits to the kitchen, of why I've been avoiding people, of why I haven't punished any of my servants. I have been shying from  
  
ordering them around for fear of them messing up, and then angering me. I do not want to leave angry, for that makes me foolish and unable to think straight.  
  
Another couple days have passed since my last entry. I've gathered enough rations to keep me good for about a month, no one has said anything to me but I know my servants suspect something. They don't care though, anything to keep away from me is good for them. I've gone as far as going to the slave tunnel which supposedly was the  
  
route Claidi used to escape. Its taken me more then a week but I've discovered the path she must of taken--every right. I was worried for a moment I wouldn't be able to since these tunnels are much like maze but every right is not much. The slaves rarely come up so they haven't told of my being there, and I always go at night so no one  
  
sees me. I considered maybe taking someone with me but that would be cruel. But I want to so badly, and I easily could. In fact I came close to it earlier, here is how it went: I had approached Pattoo, one of the more modest slaves who rarely, if ever did anything wrong. For a moment I just stood before her trying to find the way  
  
to tell her before promptly telling her she would miss dinner for a random exuse that I cannot remember now. Idiotic isn't it? I wasn't even angry at the time. Well maybe I was, but only at myself for  
  
either not being able to tell her she had to come for me or considering dragging an innocent person into my plans. I guess I just really want a companion, but alas I cannot have one. I must go  
  
alone.  
  
Three days have passed since that last entry, and the last was spent experiencing the treacheries of The Waste. Yes, I did it. It was so much easier then I had thought that I wonder if some people knew of what I was up to, yet didn't try to stop me because they wanted me to go. Yes, I know that is it. There are many people who would want  
  
me thrown into The Waste, yet they never would do that because I am born of royal blood. It makes me sad to think that my own mother wouldn't mind doing that, yet is to lazy to go about finding some way to make it so. Back to how the procedure went, I put on my simpliest dress which was from years ago, so it was slightly small  
  
for me but I knew that it would be tough going and that if I wanted to make any profit from my dresses they had to be in perfect condition. The dress is simple, white long sleeved V-neck with white cuffs adorned with red outlining. The bottom is a similar scarlet that reaches a little below my knees. I had to tear off the sleeves because they were awfully tight and blocking of my circulation, other then that its fine material for traveling. Or as fine as  
  
anything you can find here. I luckily came across some knee leather boots, slightly worn looking but still able to take alot of travel. It crashes horribly with the dress but as of now, for once I am not to concerned with my appearance. My backpack is very heavy, the only disadvantage I can see as of now, but it will be worth it I'm sure. I followed the memorized route during night after leaving a note which I still remember and shall copy here.  
  
Dear Shimra  
  
I regret having been such a burden to you all.  
  
I have finally left and I'm sure many of you  
  
are quite happy at this.  
  
But know, that you never recognized me for  
  
who I truely am, and now it seems you never  
  
shall.  
  
Jade Leaf.  
  
Of course its complete rubbish. I truely wanted to write curses to her, telling her what an awful mother she has been. Spilling my complaints about everyone and how damned they all were. The only ones who I felt I should of talked to in such a soft manner were my servants, but of course that would of seemed petty. I wanted to leave with a BANG, make them, the important people think. 'Hmm, perhaps that Jade Leaf wasn't so bad after all.' If I scrawled all my true feelings on that paper they would only think less of me. I'm so sleepy now, and my candle burns lower and lower. I must save this for I only have so many. 


	4. The Waste

Authors Note: Kay, just a bit of a note for anyone who keeps track of things through my Bio. I'm dropping the Aberee story idea. I've been trying to think of it and what I've come up with is just a bit of an adventure story, with no real significance. I've begun writing Immortality but I do it during weekdays, whereas I write Lady Jade Leaf Journals on weekends. Its not going to go up till I have at least five chapters, and until Jade Leaf is around 10 if it gets to be that (with which Im planning it will most likely be). So heres the schedule, I'm going to update Jade Leaf Journals once every week, most likely on Fridays. Maybe twice if I can manage it since I just begin and finish these when I first write them. I think Ill be able to fit in two updates this week so that means Immortality should go up around..... November 10.^___^  
  
Reviews:  
  
Natalie Kikianu: Congratulations on being introduced to Tanith Lee's  
  
great work! I'm sure you'll enjoy the rest of the series and thank  
  
you muchly for reviewing ^___^  
  
~The Waste~  
  
One week, one damned week in this horrid place and I already regret leaving. Its amazing how hot it can be during the day, and how freezing it is during the night. Poor Claidi, she must of had it worse then I for I can cover myself with my dresses when I become to cold and shed them when to hot. Then again, the going is harder for me because I am not use to this type of work, and she is. Well more anyway. I doubt anyone except those madmen that were spoken of have ever had to endure something like this. The House has since gone far from view, I've been sleeping during the days and traveling at night, for I find it easier to do so when I am not dying for thirst. Its much easier to keep from the cold then the heat, because I always have enough clothes to protect me, and I have to much pride  
  
to shed down to my underwear no matter how hot it gets. Really! What if I were to come across someone! What an embarrassing predicament that would be.  
  
My hair is frizzy, I reek, I'm dirty, my makeup has run, my throat is parched yet I'm trying to only drink when absolutely necessary, I've gotten a tan that goes horribly with the light blue hair I left The House with, my hands have become hard, my legs ached, and oh hell I can barely even write. I'm sorry, I just really needed to get  
  
that off, even screaming into the nothingness does no help...for then I have to hear the echoes of myself when they bounce of objects I can even see. I am certain The Waste is haunted.  
  
I never realized that I received this journal right before my life took such a huge turning point. Its to odd of a coincidence, and doesn't the same go for Claidi? I am not exactly sure when she took it, I just realized it was missing for a while before I took this one and started writing in it. Claidi..my mind is constantly on her. Is she still alive, if so where is she? If not would it have been my fault? She might have not taken the chance of escaping from here if I hadn't made her life so miserable. The guilt weighs my heart so horribly.  
  
The weather, I am not sure whether to call it horrible or great. As I was walking during the day I noticed that it was actually quite nice, dark clouds his the sun so it was beating on me and light winds provided a nice breeze. My hair calmed down for once and the ground didn't seem so hard. Then waters began to spill from the sky. I was shocked at first-and foolishly thought that there must some type of tear in the sky. But I remember now that this is something called rain. I have read about it, and I think it has sometimes happened in The House too but since I've always been cooped up I have never actually gotten to witness it, or feel it. At first it was a nice drizzle and oh! It felt so wonderful. The rain freed the dye and dirt from my hair and skin, and the droplets felt so cool against my warm skin. I drank some of the droplets, grateful to be able to drink without stopping. Later on however it became much like a storm, it was rained so hard I couldn't breath at all! The moment I opened my mouth even slightly to take a breath in a flood of water would come in as well. Currently I am under a rock, which is doing little to protect me. I have to huddle over you to keep your pages from getting wet, but even then sometimes a couple drops from my hair fall. I wonder if I will be able to read this later.  
  
I'm lonely, now more then ever. 


End file.
